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Just
yesterday, due to a malfunction in my Anti Lock Brake System,
requiring my van to be at the shop for repair, I had the dubious
pleasure of driving my dear husband, Stan's 1985 Metallic Blue
Toyota Corolla to Wednesday evening service at church. I now know
why he declined to attend the service with me. This automobile
is the 'car' version of the 'Redneck Pick-Up'. It's given new
meaning to the word, 'rattletrap'.
I
had not stepped foot or limb into this vehicle since 1989 so the
experience I'm about to describe was unexpected and will forever
be imprinted upon my mind. So goes the saga of my never to be
forgotten trip in the Blue Toyota:
I opened the
door to the driver's seat, and while seating myself, I noticed
a haze quickly surrounding me. I looked
around and discovered that it was a cloud of
something that looked very much like smog. On closer inspection,
I realized that it was actually a
fallout of dirt particles that I'd stirred up upon my entry. As
the dust rose, it was joined by a
shower of grit from the headliner above me. I
made the mistake of looking up, and was treated to an eyeful of
the long decomposed material that
had once made up the protective covering overhead.
I knew that
I needed fresh air immediately, so I reached for the handle to
roll down the window, and to my shock,
not only was thsere no handle, but
I could see (due to the fact that the door liner was completely
gone), that inside the door was a
piece of two by four board being used as a shim to hold the
window up. The board was wedged tightly so as not to allow the
window to fall down into the door.
By then, I
was losing my ordinarily good natured patience. Mind you, I am
a member of the Praise and Worship
team at our church, and when I arrive just before
the service, I am expected to be in good voice with a decent spiritual
attitude. The dust and decayed particles which had by now filled
my throat and lungs, had pretty much
taken care of the good voice part; and
the spiritual attitude aspect of the requirements of a faithful
Worship Team member were quickly approaching
a 'system crash.' Well, determining that nothing
would keep me from my commitment to my fellow believers, with
good natured resolve, I started the engine. It was then that I
heard it!
The noise
that proceeded from the back of that car sent my dust covered
hair flying! I was later informed
that it was nothing to be so 'hyper' about ... it
was just that the muffler was hanging by a thread and a prayer.
I might add that at least THAT item
has been addressed and repaired promptly
this morning!
The drive
to church was fairly uneventful, except for the fact that I was
driving into the sunset, and being
temporarily blinded, I naturally reached for
the visor to shield my stinging and watering eyes .... and you
guessed it .... there was no visor
... only a faded shadow where one used to be in days gone by.
Why was I surprised?
At some point
in time, I began to imagine things and talk to myself,
saying things like ... "I can't prove it, but I'll bet he's
got a red grease rag as a replacement
gas cap", and "I wonder if I'll be arrested on the way
to church for noise and air pollution?",
and "Maybe he'll win a sweepstake and get
a new car.", and "How could he do this to me???",
(and a few other things which I shall
refrain from mentioning.)
At the end
of the long trek, I arrived at our
church, which is approximately three city blocks from our house.
I stealthily drove to the end of the
parking lot, all the while glancing around to
make sure I could slip out of the vehicle without being noticed.
When the coast was clear, I reached
for my Bible, which was buried under
a layer of dust, exited the car, and breathed a quick prayer of
thanks that no one saw me. With luck,
I had preserved my sophisticated reputation!
To sum this
all up, I had a discussion with Stan about his "car"
this morning; and he informed me that
he resented my calling his car a 'rattletrap.' He
said I'd insulted "OLD BLUE." (for those of you who
are not versed in the ways of 'redneckism',
it is typical to NAME your vehicle) He demonstrated how easy it
is to remove the two by four and let the window down ever so gently,
and how to reinsert it to hold the
window in a closed position. He did not hesitate to
remind me that it was MY new fangled Dodge Caravan LE that was
in the shop yesterday, and his so
called rattletrap has 211,000 miles on
it and is still running at a cool 20 miles per gallon. Oh yes,
he also denied that there's a red
grease rag on his fuel tank opening. Well, to maintain harmony
in our home, and to avoid doing permanent
damage to our relationship.
I had to admit
he was right about the machine still running; and if 'OLD BLUE'
still gets him where he wants to go,
who am I to criticize? But, in my heart of hearts, I'm
going to go on hoping for the sweepstakes win, and I'll add a
new thanksgiving to my daily devotions
.. and that is:
"Thank
You, Lord, for my 'new fangled' Dodge Caravan LE!!
Thank You,
Thank You, Thank You!!"
By the way,
I DID NOT mean to infer
that my husband is in any way a 'redneck!!'
But, HIS
CAR IS!!!
Sincerely,
Genelle Tennant
(and
in case you're wondering ... This story is true!!!!)
Copyright
© 1991 Genelle Tennant
All Rights Reserved
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